Coulda. Shoulda. Woulda.

Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magic, and most boys do not live up to your expectations, but there are those times when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships, it all falls together perfectly and it's incredible. It's those moments, no matter how depressingly few and far between, that make growing up worth it. You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true. At the end of the day when it comes down to it all we really want is to be close to somebody...so we pick and choose who we want to remain close to and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stay close by no matter what. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping and sometimes close can be too close, but sometimes that invasion of personal space can be exactly what you need. It's not a day on the calendar. Not a birthday, not a new year. It's an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories . . . What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning.

But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap . . . are a few things worth holding on to. So many roads, so many detours, so many choices, so many mistakes. As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself a little lost... and when that happens I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda... buckle up, and just keep going. But no matter where life takes you, big cities, small towns, you'll inevitabley come across small minds. People who think that they're better than you are. People who think that material things or being pretty or popular automatically make you a worthwhile human being. None of these things matter unless you have a strength of character, integrity, sense of pride. And if you are even lucky to have any of these things, don't ever sell them. So when you meet a person for the first time, please don't judge them by their station in life. Because who knows... that person just might end up being your best friend. Maybe there are no right moments, right guys, right answers...maybe sometimes you just have to say what's in your heart. We all have moments of desperation, but if we can face them head on that's how we find out just how strong we really are. The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention, sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldnt be, places that can be as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a HAPPY ENDING, and thats not even the difficult part, the difficult part is, when you follow your heart you leave normal, You go into the unknown. Communication. it's the first thing we really learn in life. funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say... or how to ask for what we really need. What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again. Too often going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right. And letting someone in means abandoning the walls you took so long to build.

You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing . . . still. The expected's just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives. Maybe we accept the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves that reality is better. We convince ourselves it's better that we never dream at all. But, the strongest of us, the most determined of us, holds on to the dream or we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We wake to find ourselves, against all odds... feeling hopeful. And, if we're lucky, we realize in the face of everything, in the face of life- the true dream is being able to dream at all. There are those people who know you in this way that other people can't because they've seen you change. We are all born with these funny notions inside of us, and one of those notions tells us that we are supposed to hide the way we feel about each other. Everyone wants to know if they are loved, cared for, or needed, and anyone who doesn't has something wrong with them. If life's so hard already, why do we bring more trouble down on ourselves? And when it comes to live and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?

Above are random thoughts and also quotes from Sex in the City and Grey's anatomy